i think im ready to let go

there was once about a some time ago i had this moment (a pretty long one) of reflection. i realized im someone with a lot of issues with how people are.

an example, i have a volcanic-sized repulsion against sweet-cotton-candy-girls simply because i find them fake and constantly in self-pretense. i have that impression that these people are either too stupid to realize that other people can see through all that cute-syness that they exhibit, or that they think other people are too stupid to see through that facade. 

and i found it revolting that some ppl choose to celebrate one week anniversary…or three weeks anniversary…or 13 weeks anniversary…8 mth..26 mth…44 mth… like wad the fuck. why the hell do we need wordly metric system to numerate smth so precious like love. i found the habit juvenile… i thought ppl who chose to do those stuff are just exposing the fact that their love aint strong. and i dun do such things… 

then it occur to me, why the hell should i bother? why the hell shud i grow to have issues with such things? why cant i let go and let them live the way they want?…why shud i believe in my core that i’m right hence everybody shud live the way i think they shud?…

im a fucking selfish person arent i…and a egotistical one at that. im even bordering chauvinism. hmmm… i try to blame it on long-term conditioning. i am an only child. im only exposed to one type of parenting… but these theories are too weak against the reality of truth. i dun have a gd heart. im not a gd-natured person…im not nice.

well. these moments make me feel lousy. and this lousiness promises to creep in once in awhile for the next few years. but, i wudnt trade these moments for the world…each revelation is like one baby step towards the betterment of my soul… hmm. hopefully…insyaAllah.

(i seriously dunno how my existing frens cud ever live w me all this while..sigh. sorryyyy)

[confessed, but not reformed]

not everything in life has to be an outright battle

“ok M, the thing is, we all have our comfort zone and we don’t like people imposing their values upon us precisely because we want to stay the way we are…

the thing about life is that.. we create our own reality… and sometimes we need to reaffirm our beliefs so that it lends weight to our existence.. like my version of reality is correct and so u should follow it.. when the beauty of it is that we can choose.. im not saying that murder is correct.. but that.. shit like that happens..

and when presented with an alternative viewpoint, my advice is to stop and breathe.

Listen to it again. what is the motivation behind that argument …is it love,is it concern, is it values? and then think about it. u dun have to refute out right.. and u dun have to defend ur own opinion just to show that u are right but u are allowed to give urself time to readjust ur reality if u find some parts of an opinion compatible with urs.

other than that, dun force urself .that’s how i deal with ppl.i never say that i am correct .and i never say that they are correct.we choose slowly what suits us.and what can make us grow. thats why i say growing up is fun .

we make mistakes “

i seriously love this girl…my wise friend..so cre-ver… she puts things in perspective for me…I swear..her existence is helping me be a better person…

[confessed, but not reformed]