orgasmic blender

i havent blogged in a while. one of the reason is because i am submerged up to my shoulders with projects…haah… i dunno. im not sure as to whether that sentence was said in sarcasm. i have so much to do yet i still find time to squeeze in episodes of Friends, Will and Grace, porn and even develop a new tv series obsession. this time its YURI (its about time knowing my idiosyncracies)..Strawberry Panic!!!! its like sweet cotton candy girls, mesmerizing eyes, delicious-shane-looking women with long fringes that cascade messily but strategically sexy over their faces (or ‘butches’, but i seriously hate that term), strong handsome horses and gorgeous historical buildings all compacted in one orgasmic delirious blender…. plot wise, its not very intellectual or stimulating, and i especially dont fancy high pitched vulnerable voices that japanese anime is so fond of. its gets to me sometimes, till i tear out my hair creating tiny bald patches. ok no. that didnt happen. but at times it is nostril-hair-standing annoying. other than that, we’ve got babelicious Shizuma and handsome Amane to sweeten the whole experience with heavenly royal caramel…and lust…

went home early today cos there was not enough cash to chill at kedai kopi with frens. im pathetically broke AND i owe ppl money. im seriously right on my way to become those druggies with debts keliling pinggang. Mich $10.40, the boyfriend, a kegaziliion bucks. sighhh…funny thing happened just now. i purposely paid cash for 188 to harbourfront cos i know the money left in my ezlink card is only worth one ride, and i have an expensive long train ride home plus LRT. i seriously hate the fact that if you buy the one trip ezlink card from the machine, you have to pay an extra dollar. so if i used cash for train instead, i need to fork our $3.80!! yep, harbourfront to meridian station in punggol cost mega-fucking $2.80. That is worth a meal in school i tell you. ok so i paid cash for bus instead. i mean if i compare $1.30 or $3.80, wont take a genius to figure it out which amt of cash i can afford.

BUT, because i got so lost in my own thoughts during the ride, thanks to 91.3 FM, by the time the bus docks in the interchange, i completely forgot i paid cash. so by clockwork behaviour, i whipped out my ezlink and tapped. mcm konon nak tap out. and i did it INFRONT of the bus driver. obviously the stupid tapping machine wont be able to discriminate a forgetful idiot who already paid cash from someone who did not tap his card. so, as expected,  the damn blue machine wailed as if it detected a handgun hidden beneath my clothes. you know those damn tapping machines? the sound they make, that loud piercing “toot-toot-toot-toot-toot”, so loud that it may pierce the synapses in your brains. i always imagine bright revolving red lights flashing all over the bus, and the SWAT team busrting through the windows of the bus, out all purposeful to capture me, the commuter who set off the detector, the second the tapping machine wailed. haha. wild. i know. i seriously think SBS should rethink the tapping machines. maybe modify it abit. i mean, the warning alarms it makes, does it need to be so loud and capture the attention of the whole bus? so highly embarassing. only the bus driver needs to be notified that a passenger hadnt paid what. why should it turn into a humilating circus show for public transport commuters. blearrgh. 

ok. after that embarassing episode, i was lucky to look up to the sky…man, the beauty. breath-taking sight. though it comically remind me of the golden crust of apple-peach crumble cake my frens and i made. heh. i’ll upload the pictures later.

there is this person that i am increasingly disliking though she’s been a friend for so many years. i need to sit down and reintrospect the matter. i need to know whether its due to my own personal flaws, or just her lack of respect for other ppl other than herself. sigh. another day. i have no time for that now.

[confessed, but not reformed]

the one with…

THE ONE WITH THE SMELL 

my room stinks. and i cant really locate the source of the stench.

THE ONE WITH THE UNTRUTH 

i made up a huge lie to save my own ass. i just hope the lie wont spin into something so disastrously unmanageable that gets me into the deepest shit that ive never been through. ive been in pretty deep ones, and i know this issue has potential into mutating into smth mega-colossal. itll be like 10000 leagues under the fuck. god oh god oh god…please please save my ungrateful ass again. PLEASE.

THE ONE WITH THE PROCASTINATOR

i have to rewrite an essay and i cant even seem to start. no inspiration.

THE ONE WITH THE NIGHTMARES 

i have a lecturer to meet tmw and im not looking forward to it. in fact this feels like meeting the principal for not doing my head prefect duty. like meeting my form teacher for swearing and using the word ‘bitch’ to my classmate who honestly deserves every meaning of that word. (‘fuck’ wasnt a trend yet) feels like being confronted by my malay teacher for fighting with a bunch of girls. oh god. my primary school nightmares replaying in my head…yeaarrrgggh…spinning…

THE ONE WITH THE BF’s FAMILY

the boyfriend was confronted by his siblings today. he was accused of applying for a flat at sengkang with his girlfriend. cos he was spotted by his sister’s apparently mak joyah friend at hdb HQ toa payoh. siblings got angry cos he’s the only anak lelaki left in the familiy and that title entails a lot of responsibilities that involves financial duty, parents yada yada …badabing badabboong…applying for a flat now is simply a BIG no no. applying for a flat without consulting elder siblings (and getting their approval) is deemed a catastrophy. problem was, the siblings were out of their fucking deranged minds. me and him, as settled as we are, are nowhere near marriage. as so deeply in love we may appear to be, we still have our brains firmly chained in our skulls, thank you. we are friggin in our early twenties, still schooling part-time or not, still not ready for a big hulabalooic permanent full-time-till-eternity-commitment like MARRIAGE. and damn, do they even know their brother at all??? if they did, they would know that he is freaking sensible, (alot more sensible than them at some points), and that financial stability is really impt to him. so the mak-bedah-joyah-kepo-nak-mampos-suka-jaga-tepi-kain-org person saw the wrong couple, gossipped the wrong information. i mean seriously? a young tall dark-skinned man with a minah tudung partner. that description fits 3/4 of the malay couple population lah.

ok even so…receiving an information like that, shud render further probing and perhaps calling the ‘your-own-flesh-and-blood’ brother to confirm the truth cos logic says trust ur own family, not kepo unreliable friends. NOT mobilising half the family to interrogate and scold the brother as if he was hiding spore no. 1 wanted man! and get this, one of the smart ass sister said, if that really happened, she would be highly disappointed in…(ceng ceng ceng) …ME! the gf!!!!! WTF.. ok this require full spelling. WHAT THE HOLY FUCK????

he was expecting she would be disappointed in him…but instead MY NAME was being dragged here. eh first of all, she doesnt even KNOW me. dont even know for certain how i look, how i speak, how i fight back, much less my character. and mcm sial kan, to put expectations on me (cos to be disappointed at me, u have to have place expectations on me first, and to have a degree of expectation on me, u have to know me first, and know the kind of relationship i have with her brother)…seriously… if we did lose our minds and made a decision like those too-young-to-be-married hingus malay lunatics couple and applied for a flat, why shud the expectation fall solely on ME. why be disappointed in me and not HIM. what, just because he’s in love w me, doesnt mean all decisions are made by me! doesnt mean all the thinking done by me! doesnt mean he lost all his individuality, lost all his independent abilities. DOES NOT FUCKING mean all the faults falls on me. harlow??? if we are indeed a going to be married couple, wudnt the man be more in charge?? i mean, what happen to ketua keluarga, syurga di telapak kaki suami etc? i mean fuck gender equality cos thats fairytale cock. we are muslims and the religion place greater regards for men, tanggungjawab, authority and prestige. what happen to all that?? man, im writhing in anger. seriously ah! so angry. mcm yg buruk all me, yg baik all him. pantat ah. pantat kecidol. if only they know how i bitch back. they wud hell know for certain im not marriageable yet. much less want to APPLY for a flat at sengkang.

i dun even like sengkang.

[confessed, but not reformed]

one of the favourites

the following is a blog entry by someone whom i’ve always secretly admired, but im too bloody low-self esteem to get personal with. i remembered our first interaction left me with a sour taste of offence in my mouth and she exuded some qualities that i would love to hate. but with time, and quiet observation (from a distance, of course)…i’ve realised that, she is the kind of woman that i have always wanted to grow up into. i found her blog. it has been added into my list of ‘Favourites’. hee….shes a girl frm NUS. da graduate i think

We should pause to consider the question of the hijab, and the Muslim institution of the veil. It is often seen in the West as a symbol of male oppression, but in the Qur’an it was simply a piece of protocol that applied only to the Prophet’s wives. Muslim women are required, like men, to dress modestly, but women were not told to veil themselves from view, nor to seclude themselves from men in a separate part of the house. These were later developments and did not become widespread in the Islamic empire until three or four generations after the death of Muhammad. It appears that the custom of veiling and secluding women came into the Muslim world from Persia and Byzantium, where women had long been treated in this way.

In fact the veil or curtain was not designed to degrade Muhammad’s wives but was a symbol of their superior status. After Muhammad’s death, his wives became very powerful people: they were respected authorities on religious matters and were frequently consulted about Muhammad’s practice (sunnah) or opinions. Aisha became extremely political and in 656 led a revolution against Ali, the Fourth Caliph. It seems that later other women became jealous of the status of Muhammad’s wifes and demanded that they should be allowed to wear the veil too. Islamic culture was strongly egalitarian and it seemed incongruous that the Prophet’s wives should be distinguished and honoured in this way. Thus many of the Muslim women who first took the veil saw it as a symbol of power and influence, not as a badge of male oppression. Certainly when the wives of the crusaders saw the respect in which Muslim women were held, they took to wearing the veil in hope of teaching their own menfolk to treat them better.”

Karen Armstrong
Muhammad: A biography of the Prophet</em>

the clueless

SO many things swirling in my head right now. swirling and moving, slowly building up pressure like those convection currents in hot molten magma in the depths of the earth. the accession of heat, pressure intensify…and then BOOM! the eruption of disgusting incoherent thoughts and coments, jugdements, emotions… uurghhhh…

much like shaking a can of coke before you open it…it spurts out sticky bubbly fuzzy thing that honestly is completely useless… the thrill is in the explosion. the muchly anticipated outburst. only this time, you replace the coke with human thoughts. very ugly.

ok first things first.

IMPERFECTION is reality.

k thats it. thats all im gg to say…more dosa if i actually see my insults in words.

DISCIPLINE is absent.

a quality i have lost altogether. i skipped two tutorials of my soci module, and have a lacklustre attitude towards lecture attendance too. hell doors opened when i found out a couple of hours ago, that tomorrows lecture will hold  the mid-term test. one hour essay writing. F.U.C.K…plus… (i swear god have a cruel sense of humour)…theres an individual presentation which bears the same weightage to the test. 10%. what was i thinking when i skipped tutorials! lecture is ok. you can skip. but EVERYONE knows actual learning occur in the tutorial class. im so unprepared. all i want is to pass. den i can finally use my S/U option.

UNDERSTANDING

a blogger wrote this. “the word understanding has thirteen letters required to make it come into being”. thats a whole lota letters that means an even more whole lota things. 

its so hard for people to grasp the true meaning of ‘understanding’. most of the time people put assumed meanings into the words uttered by other people without truly internalising the actual intent. mis-understanding then happens because people just fail to make the link. the communication bridge just got fractured somewhere. actual information never got transmitted. instead, people make decisions over presumed meanings and intent. people just dont get people.

some happiness within the dirt

certain people though, exhibit loyalty. in their company, genuine smiles, laughter and that warm feeling that settles in your heart and tummy, never fail to make presence. sacrifices are made simply not because its convenient. spent a fantastic time at the zoo with the real people that truly matter. for that im thankfu

[confessed, but not reformed]

dialling for insanity

no. of words in an essay for submission : more than 1200 intelligent and coherent words

no. of coffee cups i’ve guzzled in the last 24 hrs : 6 (whooopieeedoo)

no. of hours of sleep ive got : 4

no. of lengthy reports i need to present in tmw’s meeting : 2  (and not 1 is even complete)

no. of choc chipsmore cookies i’ve devoured : a whole pkt or 20 cookies

no. of times ive sidetracked and watched porn or will and grace instead : 8

no. of nails i’ve bitten/chewed : 6

no. of sch days i’ve skipped : 129876t52345

no. of hours left till i gotta leave home for meeting : 7

no. of times ive changed underwear/clothes since sunday : 0 ZEEEERRRROOOO

no. of times i’ve burst out laughing for no apparent reason : 2…hheeeeheeee 

no. of time left till i go insane : ooooh abt 2 min 37 seconds

toodlesss

[confessed, but not reformed]

ooh naughty naughty

smth that ive watched…hilarious. almost peed in my pants. but then again, that was probably due to weak bladder syndrome…

HAHAHAHAH…

its clips like this that gives me hope that our sanitised human world still has a sense of humour. kinky humour.

and this is another one that i got off dooce.com. lovely woman i tell you. i love her comic tragedies.

an accurate reenactment of what its like in many homes during cold weather… much like now. damn im nursing a cold too. if only i could grow a penis.

organised mess

“The cycle of life. There is no stop button, not even a pause…not even a rewind”

i got this rather honest analogy (right word to use?) from a blog. the blogger was someone i used to know. i find her intelligent and quite insightful when it comes to certain perspectives in life. and she knows how to weave words beautifully but simply, to capture the meaning she intended. a talent i have not acquired, apparently. 

i find that sentence so true. so many things pass by you, opportunities that you were briefly aware of, but quickly forgotten and unseized. and the excuse is always the same. out of lazziness and uncertainty or the simple “i-couldnt-be-bothered” attitude. i live my life rather cynically. thinking what may seem as opportunities, will always be brief and end with a disappointment. discrimination prevails. i believe strongly in the term its-too-good-to-be-true or i think i can never be so lucky to get something so great and wonderful. good things are fairytales, or fake facades hiding an evil monster that will devour me soon after. sometimes i wish i should have just adopt a go-getter approach or desensitize myself against the aftershocks of disappointments. i mean really. whats the big if i fail? the end of the world only has one meaning. apocalypse. and thats judgement day and im sure that entails a whole different emotional diarrhoea situation. and FEAR. so comparatively, theres nothing worse than the REAL the end of the world. so if i do fail in a venture, it will NOT be the end of the world. failures should be seen as ordinary as shaving. u face it almost everyday, everyone has to go thru it, and there should be nothing embarassing abt it. failures shud not be perceived like grandma panties. where, every woman has it, every woman KNOWS every other woman has it, every woman needs it, but everyone refuse to admit they have it, because everyone thinks its embarrassing to own it.

oh my god i am sooooo rambling. oh but fuck it. this is MY blog. and im the only one reading it.  the satisfaction!!!

anyway, the thing that triggered this post is cos i always have stuff in my head that i wanna discuss or blog, or things that i wanna do…but they never get done cos i let the chance slipped by. very frustrating. the whole one week break has come to an end and i dont feel i have accomplished anything, when i could have, if i tried harder. but, as usual…sigh. i fucked up.

- ok one, two, three…smile! aaauuuugggghhh…the light! -    

haha. the boyfriend bought a camera recently. fuji 8.2MP… for $299. i still havent decided whether that was a good price or a stupid shopping  decision. but he’s happy. so well, i guess you cant put a price for happiness. my camera has only 6 MP, but its functions were better and it cost less than $200. oh but the batteries are old school, rechargeable AA batts. not the thin heavy carbon-smelling handphone-like batts.  

~love you, forget you not~

i havent dedicate a post/entry in this blog to my boyfriend have i? i mean, im not talki ng about publishing a whole newsletter on him, but at least i shud write about him. explore and write on my experience in this relationship, our dates, how he makes me feels, goals and promises… hmm. i dunno. im not a fan of bloggers who gush incessantly about their oh-so-perfect-so-romantic boyfriends/girlfriends…but i should at least write about him once in awhile. as a testament to what, i havent decide. but it feels only right to mention him sporadically here.

[confessed, but not reformed]